Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
