nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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