matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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