Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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