Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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