I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize