friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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