u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
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Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.