I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.