hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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