tell your sister to shave her snatch
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?