Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug

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  (650): i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug http://tfl.nu/0t6b
  Replies (25) Good night (3281) Bad night (789)
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  (707): View more from California

  I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.

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  (707): I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it. http://tfl.nu/citx
  Replies (27) Good night (746) Bad night (2240)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina

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  (410): no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina http://tfl.nu/z7tk
  Replies (15) Good night (2688) Bad night (1163)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"

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  (613): Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?" http://tfl.nu/jp4f
  Replies (14) Good night (1359) Bad night (5744)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".

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  (616): he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail". http://tfl.nu/2qss
  Replies (27) Good night (5609) Bad night (1218)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  I saved lives by not driving this morning

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  (904): way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy... (1-904): I saved lives by not driving this morning http://tfl.nu/no2s
  Replies (9) Good night (8134) Bad night (1083)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com

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  (770): The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com http://tfl.nu/sswj
  Replies (38) Good night (1397) Bad night (3220)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.

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  (772): You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list. http://tfl.nu/hcyy
  Replies (9) Good night (3070) Bad night (1596)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.

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  (701): Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten. http://tfl.nu/1asa
  Replies (13) Good night (5879) Bad night (911)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time

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  (985): Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time http://tfl.nu/pvdr
  Replies (4) Good night (2376) Bad night (1160)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.

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  (615): That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly. http://tfl.nu/01h2
  Replies (7) Good night (2028) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.

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  (303): You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June. http://tfl.nu/llud
  Replies (13) Good night (2935) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.

  (316): View more from Kansas

  And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming

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  (316): ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid. (316): And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming http://tfl.nu/9ifj
  Replies (2) Good night (1039) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair

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  (914): Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair http://tfl.nu/v5lw
  Replies (1) Good night (1769) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule

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  (502): How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule http://tfl.nu/c1c6
  Replies (15) Good night (845) Bad night (501)

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