I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
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