could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
