So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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