Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Randomize
