So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Mom said you looked used
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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