just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
