You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
