Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
