Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
