Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
