I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
