i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
