When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
