you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
