The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
