there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
