Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
