Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
