so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
