need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
