Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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