checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As shirtless as possible
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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