The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
