I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
