I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
