Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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