if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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