Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
