I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
