I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
