you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
