Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
