u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He felt like a one man threesome
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
