New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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