the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
