She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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