HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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