I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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