a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
