it hurts more in the daytime
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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