Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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