All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming