Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.