Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me