Texts From Last Night

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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...

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  (514): I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits... http://tfl.nu/tjcr
  Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (1725)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1508) Bad night (3809)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.

  (1-501): View more from Arkansas

  bonus

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  (501): So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked. (1-501): bonus http://tfl.nu/029j
  Replies (20) Good night (4199) Bad night (516)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!

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  (520): Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!! http://tfl.nu/6hir
  Replies (19) Good night (5562) Bad night (598)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds

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  (713): Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds http://tfl.nu/uf3z
  Replies (11) Good night (4738) Bad night (790)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

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  (732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj
  Replies (38) Good night (5188) Bad night (1598)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.

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  (630): He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together. http://tfl.nu/tn1p
  Replies (8) Good night (2867) Bad night (1643)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night

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  (202): but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night http://tfl.nu/v5ja
  Replies (8) Good night (2114) Bad night (1212)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister

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  (303): I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister http://tfl.nu/4y4g
  Replies (5) Good night (2095) Bad night (614)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up

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  (814): Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up http://tfl.nu/ova6
  Replies (3) Good night (442) Bad night (1389)
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  (949): View more from California

  Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.

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  (949): Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me. http://tfl.nu/lccl
  Replies (3) Good night (2325) Bad night (567)
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  (310): View more from California

  So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.

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  (310): So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1. http://tfl.nu/ef5h
  Replies (8) Good night (1160) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.

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  (307): I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left. http://tfl.nu/b2xd
  Replies (2) Good night (997) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.

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  (214): We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla. http://tfl.nu/hnzh
  Replies (1) Good night (763) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with

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  (415): Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with http://tfl.nu/l7pz
  Replies (3) Good night (409) Bad night (441)

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