Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite

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  (586): I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk (586): I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite http://tfl.nu/tt9d
  Replies (4) Good night (1419) Bad night (536)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo

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  (413): Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo http://tfl.nu/r8i0
  Replies (9) Good night (868) Bad night (2468)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  there's paper in my vomit.

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  (604): there's paper in my vomit. http://tfl.nu/yer9
  Replies (18) Good night (1077) Bad night (3364)
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  (559): View more from California

  yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate

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  (559): yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate http://tfl.nu/yink
  Replies (8) Good night (2143) Bad night (689)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.

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  (513): just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned. http://tfl.nu/25dz
  Replies (36) Good night (5021) Bad night (764)
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  (716): View more from New York

  dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex

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  (716): dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex http://tfl.nu/pkc8
  Replies (21) Good night (5667) Bad night (759)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my way.

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  (804): my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now. (1-804): I'm on my way. http://tfl.nu/8nvt
  Replies (28) Good night (7323) Bad night (1069)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.

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  (+44): Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips. http://tfl.nu/4kys
  Replies (1) Good night (2371) Bad night (874)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.

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  (978): the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase. http://tfl.nu/thr7
  Replies (11) Good night (1201) Bad night (2075)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"

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  (541): I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice" http://tfl.nu/9e22
  Replies (10) Good night (2810) Bad night (756)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.

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  (312): I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having. http://tfl.nu/dhko
  Replies (6) Good night (745) Bad night (1727)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm

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  (515): After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm http://tfl.nu/0xl4
  Replies (2) Good night (713) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods

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  (724): Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods http://tfl.nu/tchu
  Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (308)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  it's too much effort for something that isn't food.

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  (864): it's too much effort for something that isn't food. http://tfl.nu/kjmt
  Replies (0) Good night (552) Bad night (353)
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  (+63): View more from

  I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that

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  (+63): I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that http://tfl.nu/j4zk
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (264)

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