Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.