I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Randomize
