she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
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Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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