I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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