My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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