You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
