Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
