How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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