so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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