just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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