My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
