I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
