Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
