just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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