What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
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So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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