im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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