highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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