i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
