He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
