I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
