Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
