Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
