someone get that fucking seahorse.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
