Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
